Category Archives: life coaching

Skutnik Stories: Everyman Stories at the State of the Union

By Rivka Willick

When does a story turn into propaganda? I have no doubt that we will get a chance to ponder that question once again during the next State of the Union Address when one or more Skutniks will be woven into the annual speech.

What’s a Skutnik? I’m glad you asked. A Skutnik is a story about a real person who has done something exceptional or noteworthy and is woven into the US President’s State of the Union.

Ronald Reagan began the tradition in 1982 when he invited Lenny Skutnik as a personal guest. Just two weeks before, Jan 13, 1982, this everyman witnessed a plane crash into the Washington D.C.’s 14^th Street Bridge. He saw a woman lose her grip on a rescue line and fall into the water. Lenny dove into the river and saved her. Reagan, “The Great Communicator”, used Skutnik as an example of “the spirit of American heroism at it’s finest.” The camera found Lenny seated next to Nancy Reagan, which surprised him. Americans cheered, after all who doesn’t love a hero?

Two years later Reagan singled out another hero in his 1985 State of the Union, Sergeant Stephen Trujillo who showed heroism during the U.S military action in Grenada. From that point on this storytelling technique became a staple in all the State of the Unions, regardless of political affiliation.

In 1986 13-year-old Trevor Ferell’s efforts to deliver food and blankets to the homeless in Philadelphia became a story about American generosity.

President Bill Clinton made eighth grader Kristin Tanner a symbol of American academic superiority when she brought in high scores in the Third International Math and Science Study.

Geroge W Bush told Hermis Moutardier’s story in 2002. He was one of two flight attendants who stopped shoe bomber Richard Reid from detonating an explosive on a Paris to Miami flight. Houston Rocket’s center, Dikembe Mutombo joined the Skutnik club in 2007 when Bush used his story about raising $29 million to build a hospital in Africa in his State of the Union address.

Barack Obama singled out Mr. and Mrs. Pendleton, parents of Hadiya Pendleton who was gunned down in Chicago just days after singing at his Inauguration.

Last year Trump took the “everyman story” to a new level. He did 16 Skutniks…(Mr. President, maybe less is more.)

So now that you know what a Skutnik is and how it is used, are you ready to tackle the question? Is there a place for these heart tugging personal ‘real people stories’ in the State of the Union? Are they used unfairly to draw people to one side or are they a manipulative tool ? Do they illustrate ‘American Exceptionalism’ or use individuals accomplishments to promote a specific political agenda? Is this storytelling technique used in other countries during policy speeches or is it just an American Institution?

When does inspiration in a story stop and propaganda begin?

Let me know what you think.

Rivka works as a storycoach online, in person, and in workshops. She’s also a storyteller and writer. Contact her at Rivka@simplyextraordinarytales.com

Toxic Tales – Propaganda (part 1)

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By Rivka Willick

Propaganda-we know the word and most of us would consider it a bad thing, but have you really thought about it? Have you been swayed by propaganda? Do you run into it very often? Do you ever spread propaganda, either knowingly or unknowingly? I decided to take a closer look and discovered that propaganda is woven into the culture from several directions.

Let’s start with the definition.

Merriam-Webster’s Definition: 1. the spreading of ideas, information, or rumor for the purpose of helping or injuring an institution, cause, or person. 2. ideas, facts, or allegations spread deliberately to further one’s cause or to damage an opposing cause.

Dictionary.com Definition: information, especially of a biased or misleading nature, used to promote or publicize a particular political cause or point of view. “he was charged with distributing enemy propaganda”

Merriam-Webster’s definition focuses on the purposeful and deliberate use of information, ideas, or allegations. Dictionary.com emphasizes the biased or misleading element of propaganda. I was especially interested in the Dictionary.com’s example sentence and its use of the word enemy.

After reading the first definition, I thought maybe propaganda could be a good thing, but after I read the second, I came to a deeper understanding. Propaganda divides us-it creates an Us and Them mentality. Propaganda is designed to make the listener feel superior, be on the right side, be acknowledge as one of the good guys. Unfortunately, once it becomes a game of us and them, we stop looking for solutions, or examining the flaws inherent on the “good guys” side.

Propaganda is often filled with truth, but often partial truths or the deliberate deletion of negative facts, but it’s wrapped up in pretty pictures and often…compelling stories.

After I got the general idea, I searched for specifics and came across a classification system on a marketing site. https://marketingwit.com/examples-of-propaganda (yes, propaganda is used a lot in marketing). Let’s use their basic groups to get a better understanding of propaganda and its many forms.

Stacking the Deck – Leave out certain facts (unpleasant or negative) and include only the positive ones. How often do you do this when you want to look good and push an idea? Do you include the other side?

Mob Mentality – You are inferior unless you behave, buy products, or believe like the rest of us. Anybody who doesn’t is an outcast.

Name Calling – This one is self-explanatory. Using negative words or names to describe someone or something tells the audience who is the bad guy. Now we can take sides. Politicians use this, but historical storytellers can also fall for this trap.

For Your Own Good – Present an opinion as a fact that should be followed. Presenting something as an absolute truth makes it difficult to bring up or even consider another side.

Rotten Apple Philosophy – Just as one rotten apple can contaminate an entire barrel of apples, a negative trait or idea can taint and dismiss the entire person or idea. (I fall for this one all the time)

When propaganda is woven into our stories, it becomes especially powerful. If the story is compelling, fun, or emotional, we may not notice or care that we’ve been swayed to one side or the other unfairly.

In Propaganda Part 2, I’ll try to tackle political propaganda -specifically when used in “The Presidential People Stories” (Just in time for the US State of the Union)

Rivka is available as a story-coach online, in person, and through workshops. Contact her at Rivka@simplyextraordinarytales.com

Toxic Tales – TOTS (Too Often Told Story)

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By Rivka Willick

Art in all its forms is a powerful force that can inspire, educate, lead, entertain, and heal. This is especially true of stories. They can be like a medication that can restore and rebuild us, but too much of certain medications (or certain stories) can do harm. There’s no formula, it varies depending on the story and person. Let’s take a look how a story can become toxic from over telling.

Getting Stuck in a Story Let’s go to history and classic American drama for a dynamic example. James O’Neill was a very gifted actor who shared the bill with the legendary Edwin Booth. He played Macduff to Booth’s Macbeth, Laertes to his Hamlet, and Iago to his Othello, often receiving better reviews. He played Marc Antony, Brutus, and Romeo consistently receiving great press. Then he was offered the role of Edmund Dantes in a theatrical version of The Count of Monte Cristo which was a smash hit in 1883. It meant a consistent stream of money and work for the next 30 years. He tried a couple other roles, but Dantes was a reliable meal ticket and a sticky trap. In time the audiences only wanted to see him in that single play which became a straitjacket that eroded his talent and led to depression. This sad but true story was woven into his son Eugene O’Neil’s greatest play, A Long Day’s Journey Into Night.

It’s easy to get stuck by writing the same story over and over again, or performing that story everyone wants to hear in a storytelling performance. Motivational speakers often find themselves riding high, then suddenly the offers and recognition drops. Although audiences might weary of these over told stories, the teller also may lose the passion to tell it.

The Painful Story You Don’t Want to Tell Again Telling or exploring a painful or traumatic event in story form is often empowering and can be healing, but telling it too many times can reverse the positive effects. I remembers sitting with a storyteller during one of the annual National Storytelling Networks Conventions. She began telling me about her college storytelling program, but quickly got upset. During her first year she developed a story based on some very painful personal experiences. She got positive feedback from her teachers and fellow students, but wanted to try something else. She told me her teachers, but they wanted her to stay with this story which might lead to opportunities; that’s when she broke into tears. She said she couldn’t control her emotions after telling the tale and she needed a break. If a story is causing pain, stop telling it, find another way or another part of the story to tell, or take a break. Reliving a trauma over and over in the shape of a story can stimulate painful feelings and work against healing.

Giving up. Many artists, speakers and writers find their groove and then get too comfortable. The opportunities to try new stories and ideas are still there, but the teller stops thinking, stops exploring. Trying new material and new approaches is essential in all art and creation. When you stop exploring you stop growing. What’s that great line from Shawshank Redemption?… “Get busy living or get busy dying.”

Rivka coaches online, does workshops, and all day/multi day intensives. Rivka@SimplyExtraordinaryTales.com

Toxic Tales – The Lemming Lie

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lemming-763780_1920 This is the third article in a series on Toxic Tales. Now it’s gonna get messy.

Have you ever heard the phrase – “Don’t be a lemming” or “If you friends jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?” Up until a few months ago, I thought lemmings were mammals that willingly followed the group and would jump off a cliff just to follow the crowd. I grew up “knowing” that fact. A few months ago I was reading an article in Smithsonian Magazine about white owls and stumbled onto a section about lemmings, their major food source. The journalist threw in a line about a nature documentary that staged the mass lemming death to create a dramatic ending. Huh? What?

I rolled up my sleeves and investigated the mystery of The Lemming Lie.

Here’s what I found. Back in 1957 Disney produced a nature documentary called White Wilderness about the arctic. The producer needed a dramatic ending so he herded a group of lemmings and drove them off a cliff. Families gathered every Sunday to watch the Wonderful World of Disney, so when the documentary was aired millions saw a group of gerbil like rodents tumbling off a series of rocky cliffs, many falling to their deaths, others being swept away into the ocean. White Wilderness won the 1958 Oscar for Best Documentary Feature.

Animal Planets lists Lemmings Suicide as the #1 animal myth.

The Lemming Lie really bugged me and I wasn’t sure why. After all I’m a storyteller, I tell and write lots of fiction. As a story coach I help lots of folks find and tell their stories. Here’s one of my favorite lines, “know the difference between truth and facts.” I tell folks to not get hung up on listing every event or even focusing on the right order of things. But this is different.

Blatantly creating a false fact (and not disclosing its falseness) is toxic. Today there is an abundant use of story in TED style talks, as a teaching tool, and as a motivational device. Factual stories are now told everywhere. I heard a local politician tell an emotional story that swayed the audience, but I spotted the fabricated fact. Some might argue, it’s only a story, and even if it is presented as a true story, we shouldn’t be gullible, but I disagree.

Since stories are sticky causing us to remember them longer than other forms of communication, the false facts embedded in these stories are also remembered. There is a difference between fiction and non-fiction. Listeners also recognize simplifications or generalizations in stories, however if the teller, writer, or film documentor is presenting something as fact, which he or she knows is a lie, the story will chisel doubt, skepticism, or false ideas into the audience.

Have you discovered a Lemming Lie…something you accepted as truth in a story, book, or movie, which is false? I’d love to hear about it.

Here’s a link to the clip about lemmings from White Wilderness https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOOs8MaR1YM

Do you want to work with Rivka. Check out her Story Coaching page? http://www.simplyextraordinarytales.com/story-coaching/

(note-I read a lot about the lemming myth and found one video that sited a cartoon published a couple years before the documentary was released. Since documentaries take time to create, I’m not sure which came first, but using a cartoon character as source material to justify staging a “true” event, seems like a stretch to me. This illustrates the problem. Once a lie is embedded into our social consciousness, it’s hard to let it go.)

Toxic Tales: “The Worm in the Apple Stories.”

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Toxic Tales come in all shapes and sizes. I’m going to focus in on a very common type in this post. I originally thought of calling it the “Oh You’re Gonna Suffer Stories” but decided to be a little poetic and call them “The Worm in the Apple Stories,” because these nasty little tales burrow into listener’s consciousness and often end up spoiling experiences.

These stories are often personal, although not necessarily the teller’s personal experience. They can also be historical or a bit of a tall tale. The story is aimed at a person or persons preparing to go somewhere or do something, and is presented as a warning or a tale of woe.

Pregnant moms and couples often encounter Worm in the Apple Stories, especially at parties or gatherings. The teller will approach the pregnant woman or couple and launch into an account of something difficult, painful, or terrifying that happened to them or someone else. A bit of drama and emotion is usually part of the mix. It might go something like “My sister tried natural birth and she screamed for 48 hours… or my friend wanted an epidural but nothing worked then she fell off the bed, ripped out her IV lines… You might think I’m exaggerating, but I’ve heard both of those stories told in detail with lots more drama and promised pain.

Let’s be clear, I’m not talking about discussing aspects of birth or sharing birth experiences in a caring and authentic way. These stories are told to get attention, raise emotions or for the enjoyment of the teller. I taught childbirth classes for a couple years and was a doula for decades. Many parents told me about these stories and how it caused them distress. Sometimes the distress manifested as nightmares or self-doubt, other times they became nagging memories that accompanied them to labor or early parenting. And just like a worm in an apple, they damage some of the fruit (experience).

Another example of this type of toxic tale is given when a person or people are going into something new. It might be a planned vacation, starting school, or a new job or adventure. The enthusiastic listeners will hear stories about tragedy, hardship, or sorrow that happened to someone else. I once was told about a shark attack when I was headed for a vacation. The attack happened a decade before and not exactly where I swam, but I found myself checking the water and tensing up at the thought each time I went into the water.

These stories are usually not told to purposely ruin your experience; I believe they are usually told to draw attention. The toxins released by these tales may be minor, although for some, they linger. If you hear someone starting a wormy tale, you can stop them or walk away. If you have heard one of these tales and you’re having trouble shaking off the negative images, seek out positive stories and/or information to put things in a proper prospective.

Toxic Tales-Bigotry and Prejudice

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A couple people have told me that all stories are neutral, they can be good or bad, it just depends on how you tell it. Although that does apply to many examples and it might make people feel good, it’s not true. There are some stories that are hurtful and harmful no matter how they are told. Some stories are weaponized and others infused (sometimes unconsciously) with hurtful elements that define the story. Good examples of inherently harmful stories are Tales filled with Bigotry or Prejudice.

Let’s look at two types of prejudicial stories:

Stories created especially to promote and increase hatred of a specific group of people.
Stories with characters that encourage and promote negative images or beliefs around a specific group of people.

Stories that Promote Hate

Example – Blood Libel

This ‘traditional tale’ has been told and retold for centuries. Specific names and places change with time but the plot is consistent. This anti-sematic story usually begins with the death or disappearance of a non-Jewish child. Then the discovery of some evidence is found that ties the death to the Jewish community because they needed the victim’s blood to make matzah or wine for a holiday or ritual. This is one of history’s cruel ironies because Jewish law prohibits murder, sacrifice, and consumption of blood. (note- that’s why kosher meat is salted after it is butchered-to draw out the blood.)

One of the earliest examples of the story can be traced back to 1144 in England. The story then spread through Europe and beyond. The myth has been used to justify violence against Jews, leading to the deaths of hundreds of men and women. Unfortunately this story hasn’t gone away and has been mentioned as recently as 2014 when terrorists sited blood libel as the reason for a shooting in synagogue in Israel.

Stories that infuse Negative Stereotypes into a specific group or race:

Example – Little Black Sambo

Little Black Sambo was written by Helen Bannerman in 1899. The illustrations, some story elements, and names of the three main characters – Little Black Sambo, Black Mumbo, and Black Jumbo – are especially offensive. Although the story isn’t inherently racist, the hurtful images linger and have taken on significance as racist symbols. A new version of the story was released in 1996 with new names and pictures, but many objected saying the story carried too much hateful history. I suppose you could argue that this story can be retold, but only by changing the elements that connect it to the original story. By doing that, you’re creating a different story.

Some stories carry histories of hurt that are not easily forgotten. I’d like to take it one step further. Maybe they shouldn’t be forgotten. Are we ignoring or glossing over this history of hatred by changing names, titles, and plot elements of stories that carried prejudicial messages?

(note: I considered adding pictures of the cover of Little Black Sambo but decided against it. I thought it might be hurtful or triggering to some of my blog readers. If you’d like to see the varied art, search google images using the book’s title.)

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Weekly Blog

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I started a new series for this blog just a little over a year ago. I had finished the series on “Junk Stories” and was ready to begin a new series on Toxic Tales: Stories That Cause Harm. I wrote an outline, began research, and started the first article.

…And then…I stopped.

I stopped working on the series and the blog. I continued creating spoken word stories and other written content, but the blog drifted into silence. At first I thought about the content but procrastinated. Eventually I pushed it out of my mind.

Today is the December 17^th, 2018, two weeks before the year is over. I opened my blog this morning and looked at the picture. Whatever blocked me from writing a year ago is still here. I looked at the picture and went about my work until midday when I finally read the last article. I agree with everything I wrote, so why am I still pushing against writing this series?

Here’s what I’ve come up.

Art is fun. All art forms are fun to create, experience, and enjoy, and it’s easy to just leave it there. Stories fill up a lot of our time. We listen, tell, write, watch, and read stories. There’s a part of me that just wants to enjoy the story and not think too hard. If I admit (especially on a public blog) that stories can be harmful, I need to take responsibility when I encounter toxic tales. Part of me just wants to have fun, but another (wiser) part of me knows better.

So I’m stepping forward. Over the next few weeks I’ll explore how stories can be harmful or dangerous. I hope you’ll join me in this (sometimes scary) exploration.

When junk stories become personal (5 in a Series of 8)

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By Rivka Willick

The stories we tell, read, hear, see, and experience become part of our personal life-map which provide a context for each of us to organize and help understand the intellectual, emotional, and spiritual challenges that we face every day. When we fill our life map with a wide range of quality stories, we will be able to explore and embrace individual trials and opportunities. If we’ve filled up on junk, our ability to access memories, emotions, and information will be compromised.

Sometimes we become dependent and begin to identify with the junk stories we’ve consumed. When the world begins to be an extension of addictive or compulsive content, the self will begin to lose bits of its genuineness.

I remember a woman who lived across the street when I was a teenager. She needed her Soaps every day. She once told me that if she missed even part of one of her afternoon shows, her entire day was ruined. She also used the characters in the show to fill up her day, they often showed up in conversations.

Discussions of popular stories are commonplace, but if these discussions are only recitations of plot points or characters or if you catch yourself living vicariously through these stories, the junk might be taking over. Check to see if you are the only one really talking. Try to expand these conversations into topics that matter. Remember, junk dumbs you down and dulls emotional responses, so push through it.

Junk stories also tend to draw individuals away from others and build a narcissistic attitude. Are you isolating, monopolizing conversations, or telling personal stories that are self-focused often with a harsh and sometimes offensive edge? Are you elevating yourself at the cost of others? If so, please consider reducing your junk story intake. Push yourself to explore new types of stories and seek out opportunities to interact and empathize with others.

Next Blog: Weening Off a Junk Story Diet

How Many Junk Stories are Too Many Junk Stories? (4th in a series of 8)

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How many “calories” are in a procedural or trash novel?

By Rivka Willick

For most of us, an occasional ice cream cone or order of fries is OK, but a diet filled with junk food will sooner or later cause health problems. The same applies with junk stories. For most of us watching a procedural, reading a serial romance novel, or sharing a self-absorbed story is harmless, but bingeing on stories with addictive, simplistic, or narcissistic elements will dumb you down, emotionally stunt you, and dull your spirit.

So, how do we find the right balance for a nutritious story diet? It will vary for different individuals and may be a little tough to get a grip on, since stories are so entwined in our lives.

Let’s go back to the food analogy to find our answer. Some people have a very low tolerance for sugars, fatty foods, and starches. If you have heart disease, diabetes, or binge eating disorders, you need to limit and illuminate certain foods. I believe there are similar conditions connected to our story intake.

Media Binging- If you are obsessively watching, reading, or listening to stories for hours at a time, losing sleep, skipping work, or avoiding responsibilities consider limiting or cutting out the types of stories that you’re hooked on.
Irritability and social isolation – Certain stories are structured to build dependency; these often are simplistic and repetitive. If you find yourself separating from others, consider expanding your story diet.
Fatigue and a Dumbed Down Feeling (Couch Potato) – If you’re spending a lot of time reading, watching shows, or listening to stories that lulls you into a complacent or dull state of mind, consider reducing or changing your story habits.

You may not fall into any of the above categories, however a conscientious examination of the different types of stories you take in every month will help you stay balanced. After all, you want a diverse diet of both food and stories. If you eat nothing but greens, eventually you’ll have problems. The same is true with your intellectual, emotional, and spiritual consumption of the world around you. (We are focusing on stories, because stories are sticky and show up in everything). Try to take in some challenging stories, along with some inspiring tales, narratives that connect, and some playful yarns.

Also try to take in a variety of story forms. If you mainly watch TV, add reading or listening to stories on the radio, as blogs, or audio books. If you have a seat with your name on it at the local cinema, try to take in a play. And don’t forget live, unscripted stories.

Next blog: When Junk Stories Become Personal

How do you handle the Junk Stories around you? Leave a comment.

The Risks of Living on a Junk Story Diet

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By Rivka Willick

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We process and store the stories we hear and read just as surely as we ingest and process the food we eat. Stories, just like food, offer a wide range of benefits and risks. The best tales will challenge the mind, generate courage and hope to the heart, and inspire the spirit. Toxic stories, and yes there are many that act like poison, can generate fear, mistrust, hatred, hopelessness, cruelty, and confusion. During this month’s exploration, we will look at the stories that are somewhere in the middle of that spectrum. I call them Junk Stories. Enjoying Junk Stories in moderation is OK, but if you fill up on Junk your mind, heart, and spirit will suffer.

Let’s take a closer look at the negative effects of consuming too many junk stories.

Dumbing Down – Stories can fill us up mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When the content is challenging, curious, or inspiring we grow and flourish. However, if the content is pleasant or titillating but lacks substance, we can spend our mental and emotional energy with little in return. That’s OK in moderation, just as a handful of potato chips are also OK. Problems arise when we take more than just a handful. Remember the old Lays Potato Chip slogan, “bet you can’t eat just one!” Focusing on just one type of story or binging for hours or days on a series are serious signs of a JUNK STORY DIET. Remember, there are structures used purposefully to ‘hook you’ and keep you coming back. The story in and of itself is OK, dependency isn’t.

Lack of Empathy & Narcissism – Stories are bridges and often become connectors between people, cultures, and different ways of life, but they can also act like a funhouse mirror reflecting how we see ourselves, often in a distorted way. We’ve all met the guy at a party who monopolizes the conversation with self-aggrandizing tales; people will walk away or try to change the topic but he just doesn’t stop. Personal stories are now one of the hottest trends, but when these tales are solely focused on just the teller, often jumping from one gory or shocking event to another, narcissism has fertile soil to grow. A diet of shocking stories can also reduce your ability to empathize.

Isolation – Some stories expand the world and others insulate the reader creating a bubble for the reader or listener to escape into. Vacations are good, imprisonment is bad. If you feel entrapped by media, addictive novels, or your own stories, you need to turn those off and find stories that connect you to others.

Dependency – An exciting movie, novel, or performance can produce an adrenal rush. That heightened emotional state is thrilling and fun, but it can also become addictive. I remember a commercial featuring a zombie-like woman who begins to panic at the end of the last episode of a TV series. The spokesperson assured her she’d be OK if she subscribed to their service, they had lots of binge-worthy shows. The ad ends with her smiling as she sits back to zone out once again. Your natural curiosity and emotional growth can get stuck and that can lead to frustration and depression.

Spiritual Disconnection – Every religion and spiritual practice uses stories as a conduit to understand complicated and challenging ideas. Joseph Campbell, the American mythologist who did ground breaking work understanding the stories in folklore and comparative religion showed just how powerful the narrative format can be. The opposite is also true. Just as stories can connect us to higher truths and lead us to deeper meanings in life, other stories can desensitize us. Junk stories can stifle our desire to stretch and push ourselves. The easy story often fills us up making us reluctant to tackle challenging stuff.

Miscommunication & Lies – This category is closer to Toxic than Junk, but I decided to include it because dishonest stories often mascaraed as important or essential stuff even though it’s just junk. Propaganda campaigns seek out stories which evokes emotional responses and appear to be true. Once you ingest one of these “true” but dishonest tales it can get stuck in your mind as truth. This form of junk is often delivered at political and sales events. They also flourish all over the internet.

Do you have other ideas about the risks of junk stories? Leave a comment below. If you’d like to explore the power of story, drop me a note. I do one-on-one coaching, workshops, and performances.

Next Blog: How to Identify Junk Stories.

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Category Archives: life coaching

Toxic Tales – TOTS (Too Often Told Story)

Toxic Tales – The Lemming Lie

How Many Junk Stories are Too Many Junk Stories? (4th in a series of 8)

The Risks of Living on a Junk Story Diet